<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>relapse by darkmillennium (orphan_account)</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22407421">relapse</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/darkmillennium'>darkmillennium (orphan_account)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime &amp; Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Mutou Yuugi Needs a Hug, Slice of Life, Someone Get Yugi Some Therapy, a more realistic take on atem's passing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 12:54:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>938</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22407421</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/darkmillennium</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In hindsight, cramming for an exam until four in the morning wasn't the best idea. </p><p>or, Yugi is forcefully reminded of Atem in a way that he can't escape.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Atem &amp; Mutou Yuugi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>relapse</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>heYYYYY never pictured myself writing a yugioh fanfic but like.....here we are???? enjoy ig????</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In hindsight, cramming for an exam until four in the morning wasn't the best idea. </p><p>Yugi had actually known this beforehand, but he'd spent the past week immersed in a new game he'd bought on his laptop, and, well...the rest was history. Now, he sat hunched over the desk in his university dorm room, eyes scanning his textbook for what felt like the tenth time before finally sighing and letting his head plunk down onto the cool paper. </p><p><em> Why do I do these things to myself? </em> he thought despairingly, fighting desperately to keep his eyes from closing so he didn't wake up with severe cricks in his back in the morning. The worst part? He wasn't even a fraction of the way through the text and the class in question was his first class of the day. </p><p><em> Fuck this. I'm gonna fail whether I'm sleep deprived or not. </em> Sighing, Yugi managed to stand up, shutting the textbook with a satisfying thump and blearily shuffling over to his bathroom so he could brush the dirty taste out of his mouth. Dimly, in the part of his mind that wasn't shutting down with every step he took, he wondered how Anzu was faring in New York. Knowing her, a whole lot better than him.</p><p>Yugi opened the door and flipped the light on, wincing at the harsh light that flooded the bathroom compared to the softer lamp of his room. He shut his eyes, making his way to the counter by muscle memory and feebly grasping for his toothbrush and tube of toothpaste. When he couldn't find them, he sighed again and opened his eyes, still squinting through the harsh light.</p><p>And that's when his breathing stopped. His eyes flew open.</p><p>Atem was looking back at him through the mirror, his pale features looking the same as the day he'd left. </p><p>"A-Atem! What-" he spoke after a moment, his hand coming forward in an aborted attempt to touch his shoulder to see if, after all these years, it was really him. But then, his entire body stilled. His hand remained in the air, reaching forward to grasp at absolutely nothing, because that wasn't Atem. That was <em> himself. </em></p><p>He hadn't noticed how much more defined his face had gotten. Had his eyes always been that sharp? Surely not, because the last he'd checked, he still looked like tiny high schooler that got kicked around at every opportunity. His hand, trembling, finally shifted from its spot in the air to move back and touch his face. Was this why Jounouchi had been sending him odd looks the last time they had hung out? How had he not noticed this? </p><p>And yet, the more he stared at himself in the mirror (He'd gotten taller, too. Not by much, yet, but when had that <em>happened</em>?) the more his rapidly beating heart began to ache. Looking at this face<em>—his</em> face—brought back too many memories. They were happy memories, memories filled with laughter and kind smiles, sweet victories and giggling at midnight because Atem had been able to do a rather good impression of Kaiba when he was feeling playful. How was Atem? Was he finally at peace, enjoying whatever afterlife he resided in with his family and friends? Or did he look at his shadow, at his figure and stature, and feel the same mournful, empty ache that Yugi felt now?<br/>
<br/>
His hand fell to his chest, where the Millennium Puzzle used to sit, heavy and light all at once, against his school uniform. It clutched the folds of his pajamas as his own desolate eyes stared back at him from the surface of the mirror. If he focused on them enough, let everything else fade to black, he could almost picture looking into Atem’s eyes as the once-spirit had softly said, <em>“I want to stay with you forever, even if I don’t get my memories back.”</em> </p><p>
  <em> What a lie.  </em>
</p><p>Immediately, he berated himself for the thought. It was unfair, to ask a several-thousand-year-old spirit to disrupt his deserved rest just a little longer on his behalf. Yugi knew that he would see him again one day, when the day finally came for him to pass. However, just because he had been <em> ready  </em> for the spirit’s departure didn’t mean that he’d wanted him to <em> leave.  </em></p><p>Sometimes, he wished he wasn’t so selfish. </p><p>Bad breath forgotten, Yugi hastily flipped the light switch and made his way out of the bathroom. He didn’t think he could stand to be so heavily reminded of Atem any longer, even if that meant avoiding mirrors from now on. He’d honestly preferred it when he looked more like a child. At least then, the differences were <em> noticeable. </em>This was insane.</p><p>Lowering his face into his hands, he did his best to ignore the trails of wetness that had made their way down his cheeks. He shouldn’t be crying about this. It had been much too long for him to have an excuse to do so, and he had been <em> just fine </em> until he had looked in the mirror. </p><p>Hell, he couldn’t even remember the last time he had thought about Atem before this. Maybe his lack of sleep was starting to get to him.<br/>
<br/>
Sniffling once and drying his face in his palms, he set his jaw and turned off his lamp, plunging the room into darkness and laying down in his bed. He had a life to live that didn’t involve ancient pharaohs and the Shadow Realm and holographic monsters, so that’s what he was going to do. Live his life, one day at a time. </p><p>Somehow.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>please let me know what you thought!!! i might do a companion piece for this from atem's perspective in the afterlife if y'all want</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>